Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Growing pains

Is it spring fever?   Is it the disquiet that accompanies major life changes?    Is it the outside edge of recovery from a very bad year?   Is it because I've been sick and lying with a blankie and my laptop on the couch for 3 days?    Whatever it is, I feel the need to force some growth in my life.    I have spent much of it responding to things, dealing with things, trying to float through things that were outside my control.   Moving here to my new house, in my new city, with my new job search represents a choice that I made, that I controlled in the middle of my uncontrollable life.    A choice that was not forced on me by circumstance.    And now it it time to decide how best to manage that choice.

And so I am making these mini-commitments to me.   These are not my usual self-improvement promises - frankly, I've lost credibility with myself and see no sense in promising to upack the basement boxes, exercise more, or be more careful about what I eat.   These are promises I hope I can actually talk myself into doing.

I've been visiting a lot of artists' blogs lately.   And it's made me realize that I want to find some new creative outlet.    I love crafty things, and I've done many over the years, even though I am embarrassed by them sometimes, and by golly, I plan to find a fresh crafty-hobby thing of my own.    Something I can work at semi-seriously, not just the fun projects I hope to do with or for the little ones.

I want to meet a new bunch of friends, both because I am living in too much isolation, and so that my family here doesn't feel the burden of my entertainment.  I want them to enjoy seeing me, not feel an obligation to do so, but so far they are my only social life.   So I want to find new local friends.    They don't have to be best friends, or the friends of my dreams, just nice, decent people.   It sounds so easy, I somehow suspect it won't be quite that simple.

I want to find work that I love.    I hated my job for the past several years - not the work I was doing, so much, as the JOB.   It was awful to be laid off, it was really awful to lose a paycheck, and it was sad not to have daily visits with people I've known for over 20 years anymore, but the awful-ness was overwhelmed by how glad I was to be out of there.     And even, years earlier, when I was happy at my job there, it wasn't a job that I felt any passion for.   That was fine then -- it was a living, and that's what I needed it to be at the time.    But now, at this stage of my life, I would like to feel passionate about my work.    That's a pretty tall order and maybe it won't be possible to hit that mark, but I'll never know unless I shoot for it.

I'll give myself six months or so and, if I haven't made any progress . . . I guess I'll conclude that these weren't important goals and try to find some new ones!

15 comments:

Chatty Cat's said...

Amen, sister!! One foot in front of the other...hindsight is always 20/20 and you're moving ahead. Consider this an opportunity...that door pretty much got slammed in your face, but that window flew open to steer you on a new, better path. I feel so much of what you have written applies to me right now. I also feel that I am "along for the ride" so to speak. It's time to dig my heels in and take matters into my own hands. I'm going to be a success in 2020 if it kills me! No more depending on things to change before I can do something about our lives. It will be ME making those changes!

Having said that, get out there and find something you love. If you love nature, bring that into your art. Find a medium that makes you excited about starting. And if you need any help or advice, please give me a shout!

Hang in there and good luck and God bless!

Cat
Chatty Cat's #505
chattycats@rochester.rr.com
http://wwwchattycats.blogspot.com

Chatty Cat's said...

I see I said 2020 in my previous comment! Well, I would HOPE I'd be a success by then! haha. Of course, I meant to say 2010....

Cat
Chatty Cat's #505
chattycats@rochester.rr.com
http://wwwchattycats.blogspot.com

Linda Fleming said...

How exciting to reinvent your life and all the new possibilities before you! My husband and I did that about 7 years ago- sold our home in IL. where we grew up, spent most of our lives, and moved to Florida... a few miles north of Sanibel. I retired and began dabbling in art, and have never been happier in my life. I hope you try lots of art mediums and find some that bring you joy.

The Strawberry Mallard said...

Oh if you only knew how many of us are out there in the same situation. I have been trying to reinvent myself for the last few years after being gainfully employed for so many ~ first in social services, then market research. Now all of my experiences have brought me to full time caregiver.
In God's time, I know, it will happen....everything I have experienced in life has brought me to where I am now, to hanlde what is on my plate.
You will survive, you will thrive and you will meet wonderful people to guide you..just pray and believe :o)

Hugs, Nancy

Minky Magic said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog on the 2010 magic Carpet Ride! Hope you're feeling better and just a little encouragement on the creative front - don't think about it, just do it! Good luck, Marie x

Antonella said...

I hope that travelining along on the magic carpet ride brings you some bright spots along your journey. Thanks so much for stopping by #234, www.quilling.blogspot.com
Hugs, antonella :-)

Shona Cole said...

thanks for stopping by my giveaway. You mentioned that you may want to do some crafts and that you have grandkids, I don't what ages they are, but I have posted a fun craft that I did with my girls this week. http://shonastudio.blogspot.com/2010/01/quick-and-easy-handmade-book-that-you.html
It does not take many supplies, some patterned paper and some glue. My girls love to make things and when I do it with them it gives me a lift. Making something, even small I believe can make you feel better about life. It is only a short term helper, but it may be just what you need to keep active and creative and that energy could spill over into your other life plans.

I hope you don't mind that little bit of unsolicited advice :)

Shona

gpc said...

Thank you all! You are real artists, and since I'm starting at 60, I will be lucky to reach the Bible-school-craft stage, lol! Shona, your books are beautiful - my grandkids are 3 and 5 and that looks like a wonderful project to do with them some lazy weekend. Chatty Cat, I am STILL laughing about the 2020 -- I like it, it takes a lot of pressure off!

Landon Clary Eason said...

Hi, gpc!
Happy Sunday to you, How ya doing today? I live up in the SE Missouri Ozark Highlands, we got about 3-4 inches of snow, so it is very cold here, but no biggie really. We're pretty used to that around here. It snows a lot here. I am just gratefull it isn't ICE! If we got that much ICE, I would more than likely be sitting in the dark, cuddling with my kitty pooter, trying to stay warm!
Let me NOT digress! Easy for me to say, lolol
Cat is a HOOT! She cracks me up with great frequency, lolol She's great, and makes gorgeous jewelry too. Very sensible and practical head on her shoulders too. I honestly believe anything I ask her, she'll come back with sound feedback.
How about this for an idea: are there classes in your area? Craft classes, art classes, craft stores usually offer those, continuing ed, stained glass, sewing, beadwork, there are kazillions of different facets within each branch of craft there is no telling what direction an artist will go in on any given day! And new materials roll out all the time! I mean ALL the time! Do you know what Polymer Clay is? It's THE bomb! That's what it is!
Check out these 2 blogs for information on polymer clay, if your interested:
http://mariesegal.blogspot.com/
http://www.fantasy-clay.com/
Polyclay can be bought at most craft stores, is easy to mold by hand and can be baked in your home oven. It can make literally millions of items, just nothing to eat off of. It is astonishing! It comes in toms of colors, textures, it can be painted, sanded, drilled, etc, etc, and etc..... You can make jewelry, clocks, wall hangings, buttons, etc, etc, and etc.....Did I mention it has a million uses?
There are so many crafts to play around with, omg, girl!!! What a fun task is ahead of you! Oh, goody, and we get to accompany you along this journey!!! Oh, goody!!!!!
Happy Crafting! Feel free to ask anything, I will do my best to help in any way that I can,
my name is Landon, I am a tomorrow I will be 53 year old woman, lolol

gpc said...

Thanks, Landon, you made me laugh! I've seen the "polyclay" label on some crafts but don't know much about it. I'll check it out -- I am a practical girl, in my way, so I am leaning toward maybe jewelry (that's practical, right?) I am in a new community, so finding classes is in itself an adventure, but I'll keep at it until I find something or get sick of trying. Thanks for all your ideas and encouragement!

Patricia said...

Thank you for your visit to my blog for the One World - One Heart Giveaway. I have really enjoyed my visit to your blog. Have a wonderful new week.

jane p said...

Hi gpc, thanks for taking part in my OWOH. Btw, I said human, not humanish. But I won't disqualify you becos you made me laugh so hard.

evolutionofagardener said...

What an adventure you must be having moving, changing jobs, looking for new friends, and all at the same time. Craft classes might knock two of those things off your list at the same time. I don't know what shops are in your area, but the chain stores here have classes. Maybe they have locations in your area. Michaels, ACMoore, and JoAnns? It'd be a place to start. Another thought is a local Stitch n *itch. They're a knitting group. I haven't been yet, but they seem like a friendly sort of group that would help you learn if you don't knit already. You should be able to find them through an online search. My local group meets at Borders book store. The local library is another place you might find groups with similar interests. Or you could look up your local garden club. There are friends everywhere, just waiting to be met. Good luck, and thanks for the lovely comment on my giveaway. :)

gpc said...

Thank you all -- evolutionofagardiner, some of your ideas had occurred to me but some are new, and give me new areas to discover. Thanks for visiting!

Misti Ko said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. I can really relate to some of the things you write about. I too am looking for work that I will love. I've been a full time parent for many years, and am just sticking a toe back into the world of paid work - I know that can be a scary thing to do. Sometimes I get so close. I see a job posting that I just drool over, and sometimes I even get an interview, but so far no actual job.

I can also understand the NEED to create, and to have friends on your own terms.

That inbetween stage can be tough, but you will come through it, and life will be great!
M