Sunday, May 30, 2010

Another day

My peonies are blooming, the sun is shining, the weather is beautiful.    There is no reason in the world for me to feel as blue as I do.    Or maybe, more accurately, there are a million reasons.   The one good thing about being 60 is that experience tells me that this feeling will pass.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Ahhhhh, spring

My lilacs are finally in bloom.   I love that scent!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Mouths of babes

My daughter called last night, crying and telling me she was starving.    She lost her food card a week ago and the replacement hasn't arrived.   Her most local relative tells her he can't afford to help her.   The cases of soup and fruit I mailed last week are gone.   She was despondent and asked me, when I was in the coma, why did god bring me back if this is how my life is going to be?   I have no answers for her.    I told her I love her,  encouraged her to hang on, ordered more food from amazon, and sent her a few dollars to try to help her through.  I hate this helpless feeling.

Monday, May 17, 2010

May happenings

Life moves gently on, I am in a rather serene current and waiting until I get bored enough to swim out of it, or until all hell breaks loose, whichever comes first.   My garden looks mostly good; there are a ton of maple seeds that need to be pulled out but they haven't sprouted yet so I am hoping that they will simply turn into mulch.   My plants came through the repeated frosts mostly unscathed, and I hope they haven't lost the strength they need to produce now that the days are sunny and the nights are merely cool.    The cardinals, blue jays and squirrels are enjoying my bird bath, and I am enjoying watching them.   I am considering the destruction and elimination of a couple of small volunteer trees, to make way for trees of my choice.  My water lily is a non-starter so far and I've written to Roberta's nursery to see if their customer service is as wonderful as they claim it is. 

(Speaking of customer service, I also sent an email to B-Dry, a basement waterproofing company that my real estate agent told me waterproofed my basement, long before I moved here.   B-Dry answered immediately, looked up the account, confirmed that they did the work, and are sending me out a new warranty in my name.    A very nice surprise!  I wrote to Roberta's on the same day, so they are already less impressive than B-Dry, but I'm still hoping that they either tell me to just be patient or replace the lily.)

I signed up for a Zumba class, which starts tomorrow.   The blood test results from my yearly physical were not the very best, there is some indication that I am not in my 20s anymore, so I have convincing incentive to eat and exercise better.   

And I am daydreaming about a variety of fantasy vacations, so I have some incentive, too, to work on a more careful budget, to see if I can divert a penny here and there until there is a stash of travel cash.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Another freeze warning!

Good grief, I finally put in lots of garden stuff and flowers, and they've announced another freeze warning for the weekend.   I will try to protect my plantings, but I am having a terrible attack of 'haste makes waste-itis'!    Will I ever learn?!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Labor pains

It's been 9 months since I was laid off without notice from the job I did, the only thing I knew how to do, for over 22 years.    I am only starting to realize how numb I've been, how shaken by the loss of my life-pattern.   By the corporate judgment on something I thought I did well.   And I am only now starting to feel a tiny little itch, a minuscule desire to 'do' something again.    It would be wonderful if this feeling portends the beginning of some new life.    But even so, at best, I wonder how many years I will have to wait for it to grow into something recognizable?   In too many ways, there is nothing new about this feeling.   My job always felt like something to do until I figured out what my Real Life would be, just as Dr. Cranky always felt like someone to take care of until my Real Relationship came along.    And here I am, decades later, discovering that nothing has changed except that I am decades older.