Wednesday, March 30, 2011
No matter what happens from here on out, this has already proven to be The Year for me to win things! I went to a local Home Show the weekend before last and got a call from a bank down the road that I'd won their raffle! I picked it up today -- isn't this the coolest? The basket is shaped like the lower peninsula of Michigan, and inside there is a travel mug, cocoa, candy, a piggy bank, a notepad and coupon clipper, AND (wait for it) a $100 gift card!!! (I think I see fly fishing boots in my future, if I can manage to hold onto it until then!) I love winning things, I never knew before how much fun it is!
So I'm trying to give back a little of the joy I've received. I am baking my World Famous (in my mind, at least!) chocolate butter cookies for a friend's birthday. These are SO good, they are grown-up chocolate cookies, slightly bitter, not too sweet.
And I've also nearly finished the little gifts for MY winners, the 5 people who signed up for my Pay It Forward challenge. If all goes as planned, those will go out in the mail this weekend.
I am very fortunate. For myself, I have no complaints about my life. Sure, there are lots of things I'd like to add to it (more friends, a love interest, a lot of travel), but my life is good. Food, health, shelter, are luxuries I once lacked and still feel grateful for. It wasn't easy to get to this point; I had years of violence, rejection, homelessness and drama. Even more years of deadened feelings and reactions. And, although it is fashionable to say I wouldn't change a thing, the truth is, I would change all of it if I could because, no question, I would be a very different person in a very different life without those unsought difficulties. I used to comfort myself that maybe, at least, I had paid the debt to the universe and my children would be able to live more comfortable lives, but it turns out that there is no Cosmic Tradeoff. One of my children lives a life of unbearable troubles. I am still struggling with the fact that I can't fix or change things for her, and with the guilt I feel that my own life is, finally, steady, even (oh joy!) boringly so. I still spend a lot of time holding my breath for the people I love. But I've been that bit of foam on the wave of life and I know I will ride it out, whatever comes my way. Today the sun is shining and there are red birds flying around my backyard. Truly, life is good.