Friday, May 18, 2012
Where I work, I pray with people when they ask. Families sometimes complement my prayers and ask how I learned to pray, how I learned to express to God exactly what patients and families have, through words and tears and body language, expressed to me. They assume that I am close to God when, really, we are sometimes barely civil to one another. My relationship with God goes way back to early childhood. We have fought and made up many, many times, and I am well past any secrets or posturing. Certainly, whatever we now have was not based on love at first sight, at least not on my part. Maybe that's my secret. In order to honestly tell God exactly what I am thinking I first had to get past the honeymoon period, when I treated him like God. Because just as he has no illusions about me, I am long past believing in magic. Strangely, with my lowered expectations, there is a certain comfort now in our relationship.