Tuesday, March 19, 2013
It struck a chord with me when my Friend expressed surprised, maybe even concern, that I wasn't “excited” at having passed the Tech radio exam. He explained that he knows many people who have tried several times and failed. While my response, after passing it with just a week's worth of study, was disappointment that I hadn't passed the next level, which I hadn't studied for. And my continued refusal to actually learn anything about how to use the skill, because I feel like I'm not “ready” for that.
It made me remember when I graduated from law school, and I kept it a secret until I had passed the bar exam, because I was so sure that I would fail. Even then, I rarely admitted to being a lawyer, to such an extent that my (then) little boy once earnestly explained to me that it wasn't anything to be ashamed of.
I am pretty good at dealing with failure and loss. In fact, now that my daily work involves hospice and grief, you could say I've made a career of it.
But success seems to be a hard pill for me to swallow.