Sunday, June 5, 2022


Life seems lately to be spinning, although I am mostly standing still.   In my head I am so busy, in reality there are way too many days when I accomplish nothing.  Sewing has fallen to the wayside, although my list of intended projects only gets longer.  I am 'working' on a separate journal for baby George, in case he doesn't get to know me well before I am 'gone', but only a few pages have been actually written.  Jack and I are talking about traveling next year, but here in my actual life my knees and feet are making even daily trips to the bathroom a struggle.  We have been in this house for almost three years, but instead of becoming more settled, it seems to fall further into chaos every month.  All of our energy is taken up watching the baby, still full time, but he is such a delightful burden that we can hardly imagine our lives without him.  

Jack and I have both been sick several times this year, almost constantly since March, an unprecedented amount of sick days between us.  We both had pneumonia, followed (and preceded) by a variety of unknown viruses.  In between, Jack has had bouts of dizziness, and I have wrenched my knee.  After years of feeling that we were both relatively healthy, we feel like we are falling apart.  I can no longer imagine getting into and out of a kayak, or sitting on the ground, or walking through the woods.  I was the most recent virus casualty, but now that this recent illness is over, I am hoping we can have some clear sailing for a bit.  As soon as I was mostly well, I went and got my second Covid booster,  hoping that will boost my immunity in any way it can.

Next week we will drive (I think mostly I will drive) to southern Illinois to celebrate the life of one of Jack's younger brothers, Mark.  We will spend several days with his large family and I expect there will be tears and laughter.  It will be our first time seeing them since shortly after we were married; the party we had, or tried to have, to celebrate our wedding with them was the last time we saw Mark.  The party ended when Mark collapsed and an ambulance was called.  He recovered but we all knew he wasn't taking good care of himself, so  his death was not as much a surprise as it might have been.  He left a mess of an estate for his siblings to untangle, and some of that work will be done while we are there, but the siblings who were local to him are carrying most of the burden.

My beloved older Grands have only a couple days left of school - final exams are this week - and I will try to see them both before we head south.  Being with them, hearing their ideas, is a tonic to me.  They, and my son and daughter-in-law are among my greatest joys and I do not see them nearly enough.  Hopefully this summer we will have a few good days together, I am even hoping I will be able to swim in their pool, although my failing knees are threatening to ruin that dream.  Climbing up and down the short ladder seems impossible at the moment.

Still, hope springs eternal.  The weather is warming, or at least showing signs that it will warm.  The trees are green and flowers are starting to bloom.  A few days of feeling well and a good night or two of sleep and my little world will seem manageable again.

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