Monday, September 28, 2015

Seeking My True North

I am getting ready to move on to some new adventure, and I use that term oh so very loosely.   When I leave my job at a local Hospice, I will be leaving some things that have become oppressive and frankly annoying to me.   Our census has shrunk by about 90%, and yet the complaining of one branch of co-workers has increased at least that much.   Meanwhile, my hours have been cut way back.   As a result, we are doing less and less to serve our clientele, through no fault of our sweet manager but with no excuse that I can see except lack of engagement.  Or burn out, which is certainly understandable given what we do and see every day.    I should be able to just shake off the attitude of the one or two on our small team, so maybe it is a sign of my own burn-out that I cannot.   I am beyond ready to leave and only staying this long because of a promise I made to another coworker, that I would stay until the end of the year.   On the other hand, I will miss the work that I did in the beginning, and rarely have the opportunity for now.    It is a humbling and amazing experience when you get to touch someone's life at this final, mysterious stage, and it has been a privilege.      I seem to have a talent for work that people consider depressing, which might not be such a good thing when you think about it, but it has been valued by the few who get to experience it.

Still, after decades of volunteer work and employment in the areas of loss and death, including AIDS, homelessness and bereavement, I am ready for something more lighthearted.   I just don't know yet what it will be.  So I am taking inventory of myself and my life and my preferences, trying to find direction.
One thing I have experienced in just these past few years is Fun.  As improbable as it sounds, I had no idea what it was and, in the beginning I would repeat silently to myself, "this is what Fun feels like."    Turns out, I like it.    I wish I had started learning about it sooner but I am glad I finally learned to laugh out loud.      Part of that is that I have a friend that I enjoy doing things with, which is both good and bad for me.   Good because I have so much Fun, so so much Fun.   But bad because we are not a couple, not a partnership, so I can't count on it and yet I haven't learned yet to have the same kind of Fun on my own.   I need to work on that.  So many things I have to work on!  I need to settle my mind and get ready for another leap of faith.    "Jump.  The Net will appear."

Friday, September 25, 2015

Still Having Fun

The weather just gets more beautiful!  My summer annuals are looking shabby so I got some potted mums to take their place.   I guess I should buy more since the bunnies have eaten my huge hostas down to the ground and there is nothing in front of my house except a few bushes.   I added 3 large potted mums today, and I hope they will look nice when they finally bloom.
I have also been working on this year's Christmas gift for the girlies in my life.   I am making braided bracelets, quite pretty and very easy to make.   I have half a dozen made, probably more than I will use, but I will make a few more anyway because I enjoy the project.   On most of them I am using magnetic clips, because girlies of a certain age have aging fingers that don't work as well as they used to.
I had supper with a friend and his daughter who was visiting from another state.   We went to one of our favorite restaurants, a middle eastern menu, and we all enjoyed it.    His lovely daughter was accompanied by her boyfriend on this trip and it was a real pleasure to meet him.  They are both the nicest "kids," bright and interesting and sweet.   And who doesn't enjoy being in the presence of young love?!  :)

And I finally made it to our local Farmer's Market again today after a too-long absence.   I have been busy almost every Market day this summer so I need to make up quickly for lost time.    I went for cut flowers but they were sold out.   Still not a wasted trip, because they had Snow apples, which were a favorite when I was a child, although we called them Snow White apples.   They are absolutely pure white inside, thus the name, and deliciously tart -- perfect with caramel dip, just one of my many fall dietary failings. 

And beautiful heirloom tomatoes, which I put into almost everything I make.   I love me some tomatoes.  :)
Summer is quickly coming to an end here.   The leaves are starting to pop with color, just one tree every here and there.   Although I hate to see the season end, the fall colors will be more beautiful every day as the weeks go by for the next month or so.    I am still hoping for that one-more canoe trip before the liveries put their boats up for the winter.  But whether I get it or not, I certainly can't complain.   It has been a fun and active summer for me.     I hope it has been good for all of you, too.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Mostly Happy Chaos

 Where HAS the summer gone??!?    I have been so busy doing mostly nothing the last several weeks that I haven't had time to think or to blog.   Between work, and fun (so much fun), and search and rescue (SO much search and rescue), it's been hard just to keep up with the laundry.   Fortunately, I am not a fussy or fashionable person, and I live alone, so I'm not disappointing anyone with my lapses.   My kids have apparently been equally busy since school started, since I am not hearing a peep from them, although they claim all is well when I call every several days to just check in.

We had a search last week, which is always stressful even though my part is so small.   On this search I was in the command center as an assistance, and of course it is fascinating work.   The described the subject as "elderly" in the police department and press, but I'm not buying into that -- she was a mere 70 years old for goodness sake!   Prime of her life and all.   Fortunately the search had a happy outcome and she was found safe, although not by search teams.   I will never know all the circumstances or reasons behind it all, but I am content to have had some little part in relieving her family's worst fears.

Just two days after the search, with still not nearly enough sleep, I was involved in creating and presenting training in search and rescue at a local regional conference.  Indoor training all day Saturday, and a field drill all day Sunday (ground teams, canine and equine units).   It went well, although not as well as if I'd had the previous week to work on things, but well enough that we weren't totally embarrassed.   And best of all, it 's over, although the weekend is over, too, with not a whole lot of time to result.
In the midst of it all, a nest of wasps decided that my house looked like a cozy place to live and built a (large) family home under my siding.   I warned them that they should look for another place to live, but they weren't in the mood to be reasonable.   After making sure they weren't bees, I had to get an exterminator and carnage ensued.   It's been a couple of weeks, and I am still finding dead wasps in different areas both outside and inside my house, which is a bit unsettling.     Gotta admit, I sort of coveted his suit.  :)
Health-wise, my decades of low potassium have finally concerned my family doctor enough to have him refer me to a specialist.   She believes I have Liddle syndrome and has changed my meds, which is having the not unexpected effect of making me feel like heck.   These things take some time to shake out so I am trying to be patient, but I am not much interested in slowing down.   I am hoping that the weekly blood work and doctor appointments will soon be a thing of the past and that my pesky potassium will right itself once and for all.

Tomorrow is another work day -- it is so funny to me, they have cut my hours to 16 a week and yet every work week seems longer, lol.   No question in my mind that it is time to move one.    I still don't have a plan going forward, and I still can't seem to worry about it. 

I got the nicest email recently (maybe last week in the middle of my most frantic schedule?) named Laurie, who says she is a follower.   Thank you for your sweet remarks, Laurie, I wanted to write to you but can't find you on the list and lost your email -- I opened it to respond, got called away, and seem to have lost it now.   Thank you, Laurie, I'd love to hear from you again and will hope to be better organized if I do!