Friday, March 1, 2013

The Learning Curve Of Trust

It would be an understatement, I suppose, to say I have what people refer to as "trust issues," and although I'm never sure what they mean by that, I know that I have been both too trusting and not nearly trusting enough in my life.   Or maybe just trusting the wrong things to the wrong people.    There are plenty of reasons for this, and I could just accept that fact that I've "earned" my feelings about trust, but those feelings can lead to imagined hurts, so I'd rather try to strengthen this part of me going forward.

I recently realized, through a number of people and comments, that my idea of "trusting" has always been to allow just enough connection with a person to feel close, but not enough that they would have any serious ammunition to use against me.    I've been hurt enough in the past with what little they knew, but few have known enough about the 'Core Me" to do any lasting harm.      What I realize now is that it isn't really trust if I have nothing to lose.   Besides, those experiences strengthened me so that, instead of choosing to trust less, I could have used that new strength to learn to trust more.    It's a matter now of trusting myself.   I might still guess wrong about other people, but I know that I can recover when I have to.   And, although I do not want to be hurt again, neither do I want to be alone.

Going forward, my goal is to make trust less of a calculation and more of a choice.    When I feel that someone in my life is trustworthy (and I suspect that still won't be happening too often), I hope to be better able to share my authentic self.     I am already finding that it feels really good to be able to trust more in friendships, without considering the phantom of Ultimate Betrayal.    But the real (perceived) Danger for me has always been in intimate relationships.    Good to practice now, when that isn't a part of my life.     Statistically speaking, it's unlikely that I will have that kind of involvement again.    But just in case, I'd like to make myself strong enough to have a whole self to offer.


Gayle said...

I'm not sure I fully trust anyone. I would like to say humans are good at the core, but really, I think we are more evil at the core and it's more natural to do the wrong, easy thing. The goodness comes from people that work at it so with that theory I don't trust anyone because at any moment their evil side might take over and use what I have confided to hurt me. Tired of being hurt. I have a lot of anger and that sure isn't healthy. I'm glad you are able to work through your issues to being a happier person.

Carrie P. said...

Trust can be a tough issue. I have been hurt by a few "girl" friends and so has my adult daughter. I think women can be so cruel sometimes. I have forgiven those that have hurt me but it can be hard to build other relationships.