Friday, December 15, 2017

Moving Forward

I went into November with a long list of projects to have completed by Christmas, and I started off pretty well.  I made a few pair of leggings and a scarf or two.   Life intervened and not much has gotten done since that first flurry of activity, and I'm okay with just letting a lot of it go.   Truth is, it has always been a lot more important to me to make gifts than it has been to the people receiving them, most of them have never used or even commented about the stuff afterward.  

Meanwhile -- and yes, this will sound random, but bear with me -- I recently heard an author talk about her book on infidelity.   I was only half listening because that is not an issue in my life right now, thank goodness.   But she made the comment that, when something like that happens, a couple needs to renegotiate their relationship entirely if they are going to be successful.   Even little things that they might have considered long settled -- who pays the bills, who buys the groceries -- are up for reconsideration when there has been a betrayal.   The author then said that the same reasoning applies to any betrayal, and later pointed out that her parents, Holocaust survivors, had been betrayed "by humanity" and that they, too, had needed to renegotiate their lives and their place in the world going forward.   It struck a chord with me.   I realized that my honey and I are in the process of renegotiating our places in the now less familiar world and our roles as part of a couple as a result of the "betrayal" of his stroke.    It has opened up a whole conversation for us that I think will make us feel more in control of things going forward.

And in that vein, as I renegotiate who I am and what I would like in life, I am trying to learn to be more selfish this Christmas.   I had my first quilt quilted and bound and instead of giving it away as I had planned, I am going to keep it, trying to create the cozy comfort that my soul craves these days.



Kim@Snug Harbor said...

I couldn't agree with you more. xo

Barbara said...

Great insight here. Yes, the rules you once operated under have changed and it makes sense to renegotiate. Also, I know what you mean about handmade gifts. I thought it would be more fun making baby quilts for my friends lucky enough to have new grandbabies (having none in the cards for our family). It turned out to be rather disappointing for so many reasons, and I decided a few days ago to continue making baby quilts (because they're fun), but maybe sell them in an Etsy shop. We'll's just another of a long list of ideas I have that will probably never come to fruition. But the point is, I'll be less generous with my friends...and even that sounds like a loss, because there is a gift to oneself in the giving.