Monday, December 31, 2012

Welcome 2013 -- Best. Year. Ever.

 As many of you have noticed, I am a list maker.    I make lists for every day and every project and every dream of my life.   I apparently think there is power in the written word, although there has rarely been enough 'power' for me to actually get the things on my lists done.    But this year I am taking a different approach.    My New Year's Resolution for 2013 is a simple one.   Simply this:   I am going to make it the Best Year Ever.    I have some ideas about what that might mean, but I am going to be flexible about it and hopefully open to new adventures and opportunities as they arise.   I have watched a lot of people die this past year, and I know how fragile health and life is.     Would it have been a good idea to make this resolution 30 years ago?     Indubitably.   But all I have is the now, and so now it's going to be.

I'm like an old house; the more I fix, the more I find that needs fixing.   As a start, there is exterior work to be done.   I've already begun to walk a mile several times a week, and I've joined a gym where I hope to do circuit training at least once a week.   All of the strong, beautiful women I know who are my age or older exercise regularly.    It's no longer an option, it's going to have to become as regular as breathing if I want to have the best of anything.

And of course, there is a lot of interior repair needed, too.    I am more aware all the time that it hasn't been inadequacy, or lack of prettiness/skinniness/smartness/value that's held me back from the things I want.    More than ever, after following the Books by Women on Sew We Quilt, I am more convinced lately that it hasn't even just been fear; but that it's been that pervasive shame that springs up from that treasure-trove of embarrassment and humiliation that so many of us carry through our lives.    Yes, you might as well know:  I did go to school once as a little girl wearing my skirt inside out.   My mom wasn't good about noticing what I did or wore or wanted, so I was on my own from the time I was very small, and I wore more than one poor choice of outfit over the years.    To this day, if anything I wear brings notice, I assume that it's because it's inappropriate somehow, never because it's nice or attractive.   I've carried the assumption that every failed relationship failed because of me, and that every job disappointment was because of something missing in me.    It's just another way of making myself the Center of the Universe, I guess, but in a way that gives me no benefit.   I'm going to try to stop taking that negative credit for things that don't go my way and embrace, instead, the wonderful randomness and unpredictability that simply happens as we falter through life.   Sometimes things work.  Sometimes they don't.   Sometimes there's chemistry.   Sometimes there's not.   No fault.   No blame.

I have enjoyed being more creative and crafty this past year, and I want that to continue.   I hope to piece at least two quilt tops, and try some other crafts.

I want to bring more of the outdoors into my life.   I have a kayak.   I have a fly rod.    I have a gun.    And I live in a beautiful state.    I hope to find ways to explore it all.

And I hope not to do it alone.   This will be my biggest challenge.    I've been alone a very, very (very) long time.  I know all about the odds, and how against me they are.    I might be past my sell-by date.    I might not be flexible enough to fit someone in.   But I'm going to give it my best shot.

And I'm going to try to freeze frame these moments with my Grands.    They are such a delight.    I am already so very lucky.

Happy New Year everybody.    Welcome to 2013.    It's going to be the Best Year Ever.


Kim@Snug Harbor said...

Your grandkids are so blessed to have a grandmother who loves them and wants to spend time with them. What a blessing.

You have so much to offer and so many interests. You go girl! Happy New Year.

Barbara said...

Attitude is everything, my dear. I so totally know what you mean about assuming everything that goes wrong can be chalked up to personal inadequacy. It's better than feeling as if one has no control at all. On the other hand, there's nothing to be gained by looking for reasons. What is, is. Happy New Year. I hope the right one comes along for you in 2013.

spindelmaker said...

That´s the best new years resolution I´ve ever heard of! Good on you, mate!

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

Wow I can not tell you how much I am praying that this is the Best Year Ever for You.
Beautiful post and you do have so much going for you that I know that you can do anything you set your mind too.
I too have been alone a long time and at the beginning of each year I wonder if I should maybe think about seriously looking for someone to share my life with but then I always just go on doing nothing about it.
Sending you nothing but good Blessings for this coming year. I know your going to find that special someone.

FabricFascination said...

Hi neighbor, I am visiting from Stitchin' by the Lake. I really enjoyed reading your post, and recognize in myself a lot of the things you talked about.

I hope that we all can make this the best year yet!

Mary said...

I also am a first-time visitor via Stitchin' by the Lake. Very good post, and I'm adding my best wishes that we all have a great 2013.

Marjorie's Busy Corner said...

Hi again...thanks for visiting this morning. I hear ya....good luck in the New Year.

StitchinByTheLake said...

I love your goals - so positive and forward moving. I'm trying to do the same in many ways so it was great to read ways you're working on living life to the fullest. blessings, marlene

Martha said...

Wow! You sound like a person who would be a lot of fun to be around...alas...I am in Louisiana so I don't think I can drop over for coffee or wine...but hey isn't it amazing that we can visit anytime we want to here in blogland. I understand your thoughts...I am 58, single, have had throat cancer and a workaholic. I used to worry about growing old alone, but then I realized that I like myself...I like doing what I want to, when I want to, with whom I want when I am feeling lonely, I go to church, drop by some friends, etc and then I come home, do what I want to and go to bed. Have a great 2013, and make it the best year ever...I know I am!

Teresa F. said...

Hi Neighbor,
I'm from Portugal an I wish you a Very Happy New Year.

Vroomans' Quilts said...

I am visiting the neighbors today. Lovely and open post and my best to you in 2013.

Carrie P. said...

Sounds like you have a lot to look forward to this new year. I wish the best year ever and that your dreams and goals come true.

Gayle said...

I do so hope you have the best.year.ever and when it is done, I hope you have another best year. And then another.... you are a gem very deserving of such.