Moody

Jack and I are still healthy, we are still (too) well fed, and we are still comfortable, while it seems like the world around us is continuing to suffer and fall apart.  I have had a few forced contacts with the outside world, with the doctor's office that is treating my shoulder and foot, with my physical therapist, and now with the dentist who will need a second visit to repair a tooth that broke for no apparent reason.   People tease that things come in groups of three and I hope this is the end of it for awhile, because sometimes I feel like I might be falling apart.

I find myself blaming the pandemic for everything.   I would not have broken my foot if the regular lawn guys had been able to do the spring cleanup (the pandemic's fault);  I've probably been grinding my teeth without realizing it (pandemic), leading to the broken tooth.   My shoulder recovery was delayed when the physical therapy places had to close (pandemic).  I miss my family (the pandemic's fault), I have not been to the farmers' market even once this summer so we haven't been able to enjoy the usual local produce (pandemic), and I am eating way too much sugar (hmmm).   

And life in general is making me feel old.  We've been notified of two more deaths in our 'circle' of acquaintances this year since Dr. Cranky died; an old friend on Sanibel Island died of the virus, and our dear friend Pat died this week of ALS.   Although only the one  died of Covid-19, I blame the pandemic for all of it.   We are both taking Pat's death especially hard, because we could only stay in touch with notes and texts and little care packages most of this year instead of the visits we all wanted.  We have been so isolated from our friends.  And of course we can't even gather to celebrate the lives lost.  

We are all being robbed of so much, and it would be nice if we didn't feel like the government's mismanagement was making it all so much worse.   That distrust and difference of belief leads to further isolation and distance from people we once thought of as friends.  My grandkids are missing out on so many educational opportunities that they had hoped for; the orchestra cannot function, the math and robotics programs have been stalled, and music camps were closed.  No one knows whether school will really start at the end of the month, and few of us are convinced that it should.  I am missing my grands.  I miss their parents, too.  And I miss seeing my brother and sister.  My sister took a Covid test yesterday after weeks of headaches, and I have no way of knowing how much to worry because I can't see her, so I am worrying a lot.  Jack and I are fine and our kids and grandkids are fine; but although not a thing is presently really wrong, life has lost a lot of its savor, it has lost its hopefulness, at least for the moment.

So.  Shake it off.  The squirrels and chipmunks in our  yard are flourishing.  Our trail cam tells us that the raccoon family is still traveling together and visiting at night.  A doe ran through the yard one early morning this week and the acorns are just beginning to fall.  Nothing stays the same, and neither will my mood or the state of the country and world.

The weather here has been beautiful the last couple of days, temperatures in the low 70's with sunshine.   This week's big bouquet of fresh flowers from my husband is beautiful, and I made ice cream last night.   My life is good and I am spoiled; I resent having it changed by a virus, the selfish behavior of others, and stupid politicians.    I cannot even imagine the feelings of those who have lost family and jobs and homes.   I have reached the point where masked faces look beautiful to me, and the uncovered ones in public appear obscene.  But life goes on.  I saw a katydid in the yard today and it made me smile, I can't remember when the last time was that I noticed one.   I need to remember that all this slowing down has its upside, too, at least for the fortunate ones like me.