Sunday, August 5, 2012

Where Has The Summer Gone?

It's true what they always told me, on this side of the "Hill" of life, time moves more quickly.    This summer has flown by, and I have very little to show for it.   I've had so little energy this summer -- it's been so dang hot -- that I haven't done the (many) things I wanted and intended to do.   Almost no target shooting, very little fishing, no overnights with the grandkids, hardly any cooking, no quilting or crafting or preserving, pretty much a total bust.   My lack of energy bothered me so much that I saw my doctor last week, but nothing obvious seems to be wrong.    He blames my job, suggesting that spending 20+ hours a week with dying and grieving people takes more energy than I realize.    Silly man.   With my hospice-influenced mind, I push away worries about silent killers and the dropping of other shoes.  It didn't help that my little sister was sick, very sick, last week.    She and I are both feeling increasingly mortal.   As the kids prepare to go back to school (noooooooo!), I hope to fight back a little by creating a schedule of my own.  Some effort to keep my work away from the rest of my life.    Perhaps, too, just a smidge of exercise and a healthier diet will help give me the energy boost I so badly need.

It was only 90 degrees yesterday, and today is even cooler.    I've harvested several tomatoes this week, and lost a few to an unknown tomato bandit.   Something has taken horse-sized bites out of several of my large tomatoes, and stolen the little cherry tomatoes outright.   It's hard to begrudge them, whomever they are, in this summer of drought.   There's not as much as usual for critters to eat out there.    

I have a riot of herbs in my garden and should thin them out, but the bees are loving them, so I'll leave them until fall.   Not sure yet about the potatoes - I pulled up one plant and found only one walnut-sized potato.     I hope there are more hiding down there - I recently found a potato soup recipe that I'd like to make again!

I found out today that I won a giveaway from Kim at Snug Harbor Bay,  and the prize is a Lightload towel - I can't wait to try this little disk that I can pop in my pocket and open into an absorbent towel when I need it!   Thanks, Kim!

On a more serious note, I sat with several people last week as they took their last breaths, and most went peacefully.   One family, though (and I apologize in advance if this sounds harsh), sitting vigil with their 96-year-old mother, carried on as if they were losing a child.    I was not surprised when her passing was a struggle, as her family refused to accept that she would die and kept calling to her, shaking her, forcing water into her mouth.   They were blind to the distress they were causing her.    Sometimes I feel very helpless in my work.


Kim@Snug Harbor said...

I'm glad you won the giveaway and I think you'll really like the towels. I stepped up my exercise routine last week - I've had WAY too much homemade ice cream this summer....

Numinosity said...

I can only imagine the sort of energy it takes to do hospice work and coupled with the heat that you've been enduring is it any wonder that you aren't feeling a lot of pep.
I've just traveled across country to care and be present for my aging parents which is a portal to my own mortality for sure. The forgetfulness and repeating of my mother, the stooped and slow shuffling steps of my father stirs up a fear of aging that most often am able to avoid with insouciant denial when not in their company.
Be gentle on yourself, you're doing good work.