Tuesday, January 4, 2011

2011: looking back, looking forward

I have been reading other bloggers' New Year's resolutions, intentions, and wishes.    There is much in my life (and my person) that would benefit from change, so I have been thinking of what I would resolve, or intend, or wish for myself.     But I suspect, from past experience, that big promises of change in finance, weight and exercise will be doomed to fail, so I am trying, instead, to think of little things that will add to my happiness.  

2009 was a difficult year for me.  My daughter almost died that year.  I flew south without so much as a toothbrush and not knowing if she would survive, and then "lived" in the waiting room of an intensive care ward in Louisiana for weeks.   I returned home to learn that I had been fired.   I also learned that my roof needed immediate replacement.    An SUV backed into my compact car in a parking lot.   I sold my house (with its new roof) at a huge loss and, just as I was moving into my new house, Bank officials kicked in the front door and changed the locks because they hadn't gotten the word that I had a legal right to be there.  My insurance company refused to give me a policy on the new house until I replaced the roof there, too.    I was audited by the IRS, which claimed I owed tens of thousands of dollars from my mother's estate.   Although 2009 might seem like a long time ago to many of you,  I have not fully recovered from its battering. 

I was glad to see 2009 end.

2010 was less dramatic, a time to rest and heal.     My daughter recovered, more or less.  I learned to be grateful to be out of my toxic job.  I replaced the front door, bought a new car, and was able to prove that I didn't owe any taxes.  My new roof didn't leak.  I baked and cooked and gardened.   I learned to target shoot.  I went back to Sanibel Island.

I am not sure what 2011 will bring.    I view it with some trepidation.    If I have learned anything these past couple years, I have learned that change and upheaval happen when they will, with no regard for what is best for me.   I have been reminded that life is fragile and that peace is something you have to carry within yourself or it won't be there when you need it.   I have learned that I don't bounce back as quickly as I used to and have been convinced that I am growing old.

So I make my New Year's wishes with a new gentleness, knowing that I will forgive myself my lapses.    My life is not bad, but there is room for improvement.    In the area of personal improvement, I would like to work on a healthier life.    I am certain that I love my family more than ice cream and potato chips, and I need to remember to make that choice every day because I eat way too much sugar and junk food.   I would like to find some kind of work, and I am no longer willing to do something that makes me unhappy.    I am not sure what that something will be, but I will try to be open to it.     I would like to have a more social life; I spend way too much time alone in an empty house.    That would entail forcing myself out, attending more events, putting myself "out there" as much as I can, a scary proposition.  

I would like to take a trip with my sister this year.    I would like to get more pedicures.  I would like to read more books.    I would like to do some fishing and shoot some bulls-eyes.     I would like a lot of things.    But the truth is, I'll gladly settle for what I have, with no ugly surprises along the way.


Deb said...

As I sit and read your post, I reflected on the past year for us. It has not been an easy one and I am so hopeful that 2011 will bring a less stressful year. I thank you for the reminder of how fragile life really is and that peace has to come from within. I am also thankful for you, the internet friend my hubby has come to know and how much you helped him during his lay off from his job. It is obvious you are a good and caring person and I will hope and pray that only good things will come to you during 2011.

Don said...

What Deb said.

I am still recovering from my layoff but your kind words were a big help when I needed them. Thanks and I hope things continue to look better for you.

The Farmer Files said...

Here is to looking forward!

Leo said...

2009 & 2010 was a very tough year in my household too. 2011 is a year of recovery and change - for the better I am sure. Best of luck to you.

Shawkl said...

Hi, I found your blog via the OWOH search...and it really struck a cord with me. As you...my life changed via the "loss" of my government job in 2009. Different circumstances...and resulting in a voluntary discontinued service retirement. Result was going from $97K a year to $20K a year...ouch! I too do not want to do something I hate...and have found ways to make ends meet. So, we have a lot in common! I'm in far away...Alabama!